Comfort Zone

I went to the post office the other day to send home a box of stuff to help lighten the weight of my suitcases for my return flight. I carried it down the street to the small office, told them where to ship it and by what method, filled out the form, thanked them and left.

It wasn't until I was leaving that I realized how relaxed I'd been. I hadn't had an ounce of anxiety during the whole transaction. Even when my friend, who had previously agreed to mail her box at the same time, changed her mind, I just said "okay" and immediately went and mailed it alone.

This may not seem a big deal to you, but to me, it speaks volumes about how far I've come to adjusting to life here. In the spring, I sent home another box filled with winter clothing and omiyage for my family after I returned from Hokkaido. I was so nervous about using the post office, I put it off for three weeks! I was wracked by anxiety at having to make such a complicated transaction and filling out forms in Japanese that it took me weeks to build up the resolve to go.

Of course, much of my newfound ease can be attributed to my increased fluency. Even my professor, who also taught me last semester, remarked the other day about how much more talkative I am and how easy it is for her to understand me.

But more than that, I'm no longer anxious about making mistakes, about not understanding. I am still terrible at listening to employees and salespeople; I hear them, but my mind just doensn't process what they're saying. I have to seriously focus in order to dissect their keigo, which is a complicated grammatical pattern used in formal situations. I often have to ask them to repeat themselves, in which case they use gestures or perhaps a word of Engrish to convey their meaning. But I guess I'm just so used to this, it no longer deters me.

I've also been here so long that employees at the combeni and grocery stores I frequent interact with me. Usually it's about the weather, but the simple fact that they are trying to talk to me is very encouraging. It makes me feel like I've been accepted as part of the community, inspite of my being a foreignor.

Most people that I talked to before coming here told me it takes at least three months to gain fluency, so to go for just one semester doesn't make sense. By no means would I call myself fluent, but I definitely agree that one semester isn't enough. I mean, it took me half a year to use the post office without stressing out! More than just becoming fluent, staying abroad longer gives you more time to truly adjust to living in another culture. And only after I became more comfortable was I able to really appreciate Japanese lifestyles, instead of focusing just on how out of place I felt or how much I had to compromise my own lifestyle.

It's a shame, though, that just when I'm comfortable living here, I have to plan on coming home again. Only six weeks and I'll be back States-side! I'm really excited to return to my family and school, but I'm also sad. There are so many experiences here that I have to savour while I can, and important friends I may never see again. I'll just have to do my best to enjoy the rest of my time here with everyone.

Plus, I have a feeling that I'm going to get really bad reverse-culture shock when I go home >_<